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Leaps and Bounds chapter 4

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I don't know why I did it. Why, oh why, did I say he could stay? To say I regretted it would be an understatement, especially as I was now lying wide awake in bed for the second night in a row as Gold's snores rattled my windows. The whole idea of living together combined with all those sneaky little touches made me feel like Gold and I really were... lovers. Ugh, I can't believe I actually thought that word! Gold and me- when hell freezes over!

Now I'd have to be constantly on guard- how could I not be with Gold wandering around 24/7? With his uncanny ability to make me feel whatever the hell he wanted, I couldn't afford to show any weakness. And what about the touches? Gold wasn't above trying his luck with me. So far it had just been kisses and hands brushing against mine, but what if... I didn't even want to think about it!

It wasn't that I hated it when he kissed me. It was just that doing that sort of thing- with Gold no less- was awkward. And embarrassing. And so shameful. My stomach would clench and my head would grow light and my heart would start beating so loudly that I worried he might be able to hear. It was funny, really. I had endured the disappointment of my father, made it through school with no friends at all, even made it out of a five-against-one without a scratch- and yet I could be broken so easily with a simple touch.

I couldn't let myself open up to Gold. I didn't want to. I had known Gold for a long time. He got enthused easily, and lost interest just as quickly. One week he'd label something as his one true love and would be willing to go to the ends of the earth for it, and the next he would forget all about it and move on to something else. I didn't want to be just another of Gold's stupid crazes. I didn't want to fall in love with him and then have him throw me away.

I figured that if I kept pushing him away he would get bored and leave me alone. He hadn't gotten bored yet, but it was just a matter of time. Then I could get back to my own life. On my own. Alone.

The next morning was probably the earliest time Gold had had to get dressed since he was in school. He turned the place upside down looking for something appropriate to wear- he only had a single change of clothes with him since he hadn't got a chance to go back to Newbark and pack a suitcase.

"I'm borrowing your shirt," he shouted as he hopped around on one foot trying to pull his trainers on. "Thanks, Sil!"

"What?" I stormed out from the kitchen (and my breakfast) and into the hallway. The plain white shirt Gold had raises from my closet was one I hadn't worn since I was at most sixteen. It was far too small for him, and accentuated his belly and pulled too tight around his shoulders. He grinned at me sheepishly.

"Don't laugh," he said. "I'll be as thin as you in a few months!"

I raised my eyebrows sceptically. Thin wasn't the right word- skinny was more like it. Most of my bones looked ready to burst out from me, my rib cage could be seen through my chest and my hips jutting out horribly. The only part of me where any muscle was visible was my arms, but I was a lot stronger than I looked.

"Just get out," I muttered. Gold smiled. He craned his head up and gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Love you," he said cheerily, then turned and was out of the door before even had a chance to yell something abusive after him.

I stood there in the middle of the hallway, staring at the empty space which Gold had just occupied and clutching my cheek. The place where he had kissed was tingling in such a horrible, girly way that I couldn't help but feel disgusted with myself. I slammed the door as hard as I could, and a crack appeared in the plaster of the ceiling.

"Idiot," I murmured. "Why should I believe you?" He only thought he loved me. He didn't. Not really. There was no such thing as love.

I didn't have to set off for work until quarter-to-nine, as my flat was so close to Goldenrod Department store. I took a long shower before then, doing the stupid lather-rinse-repeat sequence at least four times. When roughly drying off my hair I was pleased to see that my effort seemed to have finally paid off, and the sickening purple hue had gone from my hair. Now I only had to deal with people calling me 'ginger nut'.

I was greeted as such by Blue as soon as I entered the trainer's department for my shift.

"Did the heater just break or is there a fire in here? Oh wait, it's just you!" she teased, unlocking the gate to behind the counter for me. I gave a sarcastic 'ha ha ha' and rolled my eyes at her. I picked up my green apron from the chairs behind us and tied back my hair, ready to get down to business. Goldenrod Department Store was always busy.

"So how's life treating you, Silver?" Blue asked, running a super potion over the scanner. "Paper or plastic?" She turned back to me. "Well?"

"I'm fine."

"Ho ho! Silver, you are never fine! You always find something to complain about." She handed the plastic bag to the customer, a young boy with a band-aid on his cheek. "Why are so so suddenly 'fine'? Did you and your girlfriend finally do it?"

I choked on my own spit. Blue was the sort of girl who you couldn't keep any secrets from. I didn't know how, but a year ago she had announced out of nowhere that I had found a 'special someone'. It was as if she had a sixth sense about these things- or at least that's what I liked to think. Despite the ludicrousness of the idea, it was preferable to suspecting she was keeping constant tabs on everyone she knew. I made a mistake that first time and hadn't denied it, so she had kept badgering me until I admitted it. I just conveniently replaced the word 'Gold' with 'my girlfriend'. I didn't consider Gold to be a girlfriend or boyfriend to me, but I knew the rest of the world wouldn't see it that way if they knew the things we had done together. It was just easier to refer to him as such- and like I was going to admit to having kissed another guy!

I quite liked it at first. I had never been able to share stories about my love life because I didn't have a love life. Though it seemed shallow, I admit it was quite nice to have a girlfriend to brag about. If if she didn't really exist. And even if I slightly exaggerated some things.

"Jesus, Blue, that's not the sort of thing you should ask a guy," I said.

"I'd ask a girl," Blue said, as if that made it perfectly acceptable. "So I'm guessing things haven't changed much, then?"

"Not since yesterday," I replied dryly. I paused and looked around. The department wasn't too busy, and the only people on the floor were browsing and didn't look like they'd be needed to check out any time soon. I took a deep breath. "Hey, Blue?"

"Yeah?"

"My girlfriend, she's very... loving," I said, choosing my words carefully. Annoying and overly-affectionate would probably have been better adjectives. "And I think she wants me to show some love back, but... I don't know."

Blue blinked at me. Her eyes held no sign of judgement, which relaxed me just a little. "Don't you love her?" she asked.

I almost choked again. What was I supposed to say? 'My girlfriend' was Gold, so Blue was basically asking if I loved Gold. I didn't consider what I felt for him to be love, but then I didn't know what love felt like in the first place. How could I answer that? "I-I like her. Sometimes," I said, scooting around the question as gracefully as I could.

"Then what's the problem?"

I sighed impatiently. "Well, I'm just not sure, okay?" I snapped. "I don't think I'm ready for this sort of... relationship." The words tasted unnatural on my tongue and I had to bite my lip.

Blue put her hands on her hips. "Don't you think you should have told her this earlier?" she said. "Like, a year earlier? You're messing her about, you insensitive man!"

"Me?" I said incredulously. "What am I supposed to do then, Your Majesty?"

"Just explain things to her, tell her you want to take things slower," Blue grumbled. "Honestly, shouldn't you have figured that out by now, genius? If she loves you, she'll understand. You owe it to her to give it a try, since it's been a year already."

Blue didn't know what she was talking about. We were going at a snail's pace already, and if it were up to me we'd be going slower than a static object. But, in a way, she was right. I had spent a year pushing Gold away, and I at least owed him an explanation- no matter for excruciating it would be to force one out. Or maybe I didn't even have to do that. I could just say I wanted to take things slower. Even slower than they already were...

I spent all day working out what I was going to say to him. I told myself it was silly and girly to be so hooked up on such a ridiculous concept, but that didn't stop me worrying all the same. If I told Gold that I didn't want to do what he wanted me to do with him... What would happen then? What if he decided he didn't want to be with me any more...?

I didn't see why I was so shook up over it. Surely it would be a good thing if Gold decided to break things off between us? The awkwardness would disappear and we could go right back to being friends. Gold would move out, get his own place, find a girlfriend... And I could be all alone again, with no annoying distractions loitering around my apartment telling me they loved me. Everybody wins.

But for some reason, when Gold came home from his shift a Olivine Cafe, I couldn't muster up the strength to tell him. The look of pure happiness on his stupid face when he saw me was too much. Even though he looked exhausted, he still bounded over to me with the eagerness of a puppy around his master. He pulled my hair free of the elastic band which held it back and ran his fingers through the strands of my hair.

"I like it this colour best," he said quietly. "Don't dye it again, okay?"

I didn't say anything. I couldn't have done so even if I'd wanted to. I raised my hands to push him away. He was too close. Obediently he stepped back, but he caught my hand as he did so.

And it was as if he had read my mind, because instead of kissing my hand or my lips like he would have done before, he just stayed where he was, holding my hand in his. We stayed like that for a long time, and after about two minutes, I slowly curled my fingers around his.

Gold smiled and let go of my hand.
I feel a little sorry for Gold and Silver so far- neither one of them is right or wrong, they're just on two different wavelengths. I'm glad I got to introduce Blue, too. I haven't read the manga, but according to what I have heard she and Silver have a sister-brother relationship, which I decided to weave into this story- childish sibling arguments ahoy! I'm making Blue's personality up, as she doesn't have one in the games, so expect it to be different from the manga.

I could really identify with Silver in this chapter, as I have the same outlook on love- the 'you don't love me, you just think you do, and so I cannot let myself open up to you for the risk that I will fall for you because then your inevitable betrayal will hurt all the more' thing! Maybe when I grow up things will change- I'm only fifteen right now, so I have plenty of time to sort things out!

Lying awake in bed last night, I thought of a delicious scene to add to this story! It won't pop up for a while, but I'm looking forward to writing it anyway! I'm teasing you here, aren't I?

Anyway, did I mention how much I love reviews? I haven't had any requests for what I should add to the story, so if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them- not that I don't have confidence in thinking up my own embarrassing situations for Gold and Silver!
© 2010 - 2024 lilacbird
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LetEveryoneOverARip's avatar
Omg... your joking right..? about not reading the manga?! THIS CAPTURES HER PERSONALITY SO WELLLL!!! >.<" damn you Blue! but i swear.. I know how Silver feels ^.^...